the evil ones, especially, love beauty
look at you, think a thought
then look away, but stare again
run fast baby girl, cause
it’s not too far behind you
like all our happy memories
kicking up that dust of the past
making our hearts ache, cause
they just couldn’t last and
my brain is stuck on these sorrows
I’m so fearful they they’ll sojourn
for all my tomorrows
the evil ones just love our beauty
could we persuade it, possibly
so that the good in it would take form
Do you remember that place where the trees were tall, and the ground was soft? Everywhere you looked – your eyes were stained with moss. The wind was your white noise, and it hid all the screams from those bad boys. They took all the purple flowers and tore them up, then laughed and ran away. But you walked the other way when they punched you with closed man-sized fists. You are so good at what you do.
And when the oldest one told you to, “JUST GO KILL YOURSELF!” — you couldn’t help but respond, “why would you say that!” Only to remember that dream you had where you stopped yourself from swallowing all those small, oval, white pills. You never knew your eyes could fill with tears so fast. The oldest boy smiled, and you knew you had failed. He then proceeded to chase you while chanting, “I’m going to stab you with a knife.” You blocked all the hits of his colored pencil, cause at this — you are very skilled.
And all the while remembering that Forest of the Too Tall Trees and wishing you had never seen those pitiful boys filled with bad thoughts and rage. For you’ve grown tired of how they latch on to you, how they revolve around you like you are their fucking lifesaver. So tired of being a lifesaver. Here, now— I remember that green. God, how I want to get lost in that moss. Taste the sunshine on my lips and be blinded. Do you remember that place?
poor little baby, you bit your tongue
chewing on all that hatred.
was it horrible? did it cut your throat
when you swallowed it down?
did it try to climb its way back up, and
make you run to the bathroom to find
an empty stall?
poor little baby, you broke your finger
pointing it and flipping them the bird
that was carrying all that ill will.
did it break free and flee?
perhaps fly away somewhere quiet to
rest on a snow-capped tree or
a glowing, warm palm.
poor little baby, you failed the test.
you were swimming with the sharks, Love
did you feel them when you were up above?
you minded your business and they minded theirs
lifeguard left his station but you didn’t care
you were swimming with the sharks, Love
how did all that danger feel?
not much different than your everyday?
you really are so brave, Love
his notes throw my brain
back to winter, cold and ice
he’s so good at that
everything freezing, everything leaving
rushing past me
going to places — I want to go
his keys spark my sleepy memories
my eyes explode with
those open fields and dying trees
my heart melts with burnt clouds
and those magical fading leaves
must have been a thousand years old,
those scars on her hand
when she forgot her looks and
her dreams ran out the door
yet
that yellow still makes her dizzy
and her tongue still prefers what’s fizzy
maybe her soul hasn’t lost its spark
maybe she hasn’t lost her life
just yet
it appeared that there were
dead cranes on the side of the road
their graceful necks draped over the curb,
beautiful yet useless
much like our forgotten conversations
it all makes sense now, since I no
longer recognize my
laugh from the photographs
thrown all over the floor
tiptoe around them like a
doomed choreographed ballet,
beautiful yet useless
little white buildings on my right, as I
make the ground ache when I walk.
earth hard, unlike weeks before when
life sprouted up towards the sun.
barren forked trees on my left,
as pale gray clouds leave me
breathless for a moment cause
the air hurts to breathe.
silence, as I go past the frozen mess
that was left before me as I begin my
waiting for the world to act alive again.
I wonder if the freaks of the shattered
doors will get lost
now that the holes are fixed
I doubt they’ll cheer and clap
as we rid them of their destruction
but
I like the way the bright color
adorns the walls in this space
as I wonder how long your peaceful
calm will stay in this place
