barely

gently place the bow to string.  tiptoe on

ice, nearly silent.  how do you do it?

appear and then leave almost without a

trace, but I witness your shadow depart.

I reach out to air to find no one there.

here, nearly silent.  how do you do that?

vanish

this world so disturbed, the faint blades of grass

could have seizures.  familiar sight it’d be.

this world so caught up with itself it left

dead roots ever reaching for the water.

such a pitiful sight, those upturned trees.

walking numb past strangers wearing glass masks

of sameness to fool me.  pretend they are

my friends, but I know better than to think

such silly things.  this world becoming a

small black box with pretty jewels to trick us.

this world so disturbed, we’ve all lost our minds,

such thievery, but we stand with arms up

willing to share anything.  it takes our

hopes, dreams, everything and swallows it whole.

taken, leaving us to search evermore

all over this dying, beautiful world.

 

vanity

 

I wore a flash ring on every finger.

seven bracelets on my once small wrist.

grew envious of how well that boy looked

wearing the black floral dress standing there

by the pink roses with an expression

I couldn’t name.  how it oddly made me

miss your shadow in the night.  how it made

me mutter under my breath like a spell.

stirred the craving to be young again.  but

sometimes the memories can be cruel and

deceiving and I harshly remember

the beauty never lasts and never will.

 

 

 

distraction

all this strawberry dust is making me more attractive to the bees

as they whisper their youth in my ears

let their wings do as they please

wake up and feel the rush of fire rise up on my arms

it tap dances on my shoulders

his breath not far behind

his sadness broke my finger, felt the odd twinge of pain

as the nausea swept over me causing me to sit down

cause I’m so weak

but it paused his trance of rage for a minute

long enough for me to catch my breath

please Lord, let me catch my breath

let it be time to rest

give him rest so I can rest

let it be time to dream

dream of those enchanting bees

so polite they quiet their buzzing

for my worn out ears

as they lure me with their nectar

tempt me to their land of flowers and honey

 

to calm

To calm your wild

I’d give my life

stop being a mother 

stop being a wife 

 

To calm your wild

I’d except my tired eyes

die a painful death 

swim in a storm of lies

 

To calm your wild

I’d do anything 

stop being human 

crumble my beating heart

become a thing 

 

To calm your wild

for you to have a life? 

I’d do these things 

I wouldn’t think twice

reminisce II

making me hunger for the cold.  want to

feel the icicles jump down my throat when

I inhale to steady my breath; causing

my eyes to fail me and freeze.  blurred vision

has me fumbling; hard ice has me stumbling.

sliding down to my death cause my legs are

too weak.  causing flashbacks to all those times

I went sledding as a kid.  skin numb and

laughter frozen, not a care in the air.

 

view

Set the cotton candy mounds ablaze;

transformed their blue haze

to grey.

Tried not to look back at the bridge that

called so boldly out

to me.

Imagined me atop its railing;

set to spring forth up

to them.

Mind wandered to that dying bunny

in the yard we found

last night.

Heart sunk and wished I’d held it so it

wouldn’t be afraid

to die.

Today you checked on it. Still breathing;

its glassed eyes on the

blue sky.

Put it in a bag; tied it tight.  To

end its misery;

its fight.

Peeked on it later; its shut eyes now

at peace.  Walked away

to cry.

hush-hush

Have you grown weary of our clandestine

meetings?  You seem impatient with all my

weeping.  My tears getting mingled with my

drinking.  Drops of salt make it taste better

anyway.  The grief tastes sweet, begging to stay.

 

How long will it be?  How long will this grief

remain?  Tired of waking up sad mourning

in the morning.  Would rather smile back at

you, something I’ve forgotten how to do.

Could we forgive us?  Could we even try?

 

With hushed words in secret places in the

dark holes of our home; he waits and spies on

us.  We stop our chatter and vow to try

tomorrow.  Let our clandestine meetings

last.  Let’s be strong.  Let’s ruin this sorrow.

gone and back again

moss tangled, lingering down their branches

beautiful, flowing ribbons of brown

rows and rows and rows of them

massive nest of that moss

ushered us out of the state

while the giant water storm

she spins and waits

 

coming back those tangled masses of feathery moss

looked more like decapitated heads

with their dried blood

and muddy footprints all around

the wind beaten ground

evidence that they fought

proof that they tried to run

a far cry from the trees we left behind

the ones with the beautiful crowns

standing tall, waiting for the change

caused a flood of memories to rush back to me

overwhelm me

made me not want to return to my sunshine state

but

we did and here we are

44 hours we spent in that car

back to this

back to the same

break due to Irma

 

Sorry for my absence.  We ended up having to evacuate our home in South Florida due to   Hurricane Irma.  The first day we drove to Valdosta, Georgia.  What should have been a 5.5-hour journey turned into a 12-hour drive fest on back roads to avoid the “real” jams on the Turnpike or 95.  From there the plan was to go to Birmingham, Alabama but Irma changed her course and wanted to follow us.  So, last-minute we decided to trek to Richmond, Virginia to visit family.  We spent another day in the car – this time 15 hours.  In the wee hours of the morning, we would see cars piled into rest areas – I assumed the occupants were sleeping.  We continued past and didn’t arrive at our destination in Virginia until 3 am.

My beautiful autistic son with Type 1 diabetes, epilepsy, and mental health diagnoses was given an emergency prescription of Geodon to get us there safely.  We only had one major behavior “hiccup.”  (We also had a car accident, but that’s a different story.)

My son, stressed because we had to leave our house and stuck in the car, decided to whip my head back a few times by grabbing my hair.  I’m driving, of course, and my daughter, trying to shield my head, almost had her arm broke trying to protect me.  We were, thankfully, going through a city, and I was able to pull over for safety.

Long story short – I’ll spare you the miserable details, or I’ll write a pretty poem about them later, we are finally back home.

Debris to clean up, hurricane shutters to take down and food to buy is what the next few days hold.

Our coast was spared this time, praise God!