been so long sometimes I forgot the color of your hair
miss the way you meandered through our home
much like those ghosts with tambourines around
their ankles and faraway thoughts in the air
been so long sometimes I forgot the way you cared
miss the vision of you with gold around your neck
much like those spirits with the sun at their backs
their warmth and faraway peace in their prayers
those red butterflies take me back to the time when
those annoying crickets lulled me to sleep
dreamt I was barefoot on the gravel
running to that abandoned church
where those lost souls would be baptized
stood up high to pretend to speak
but I knew I wasn’t worthy
running back to the little, green house
the gravel biting at my soles
I whimpered and looked back –
you ran and didn’t even feel the rocks
you came laughing back,
your feet untouched
washed ashore, no breath left. rocked to death, their
life emptied into the torturous sea
that swallowed them. promising them lives, but
it brought them back against the wood, against
the rocks. their pale faces charred from the sun,
their thinning brows white with salt. their hopeful
black hair tangled with the splinters, their bones
rattling, their bones done. I pray God saved them,
even if they didn’t believe. please let
there be some mercy in that mystery.
but I’m afraid there are more coming, more
running, being chased, fearful, while ever
so mournful. lost ones being swallowed up
by the sea, washed ashore with no breath left.
think it’s raining
it’s only my tears
hitting the hardwood
falling heavier than
I thought they could
they’ve taken on a
life of their own
my tear drops crying back to me
wanting to bring me home
my tear drops know that
I can’t even speak
can’t even pray
but they know
He knows my thoughts
I don’t have anything
new to say
all the while
thinking it’s raining
come and sit awhile
let’s calm our racing hearts
slow our breathing while
we pace our troubled thoughts
only certain worries
can I handle today
close my eyes to stop the fury
put my hands out to pray
come and sit awhile
we don’t have to say a word
let’s just marvel at creation
let’s wish to be like the birds
can’t handle any anxieties today
I can’t even deal
close my eyes to stop the world
put my hand up to pray
come and sit awhile
long-lost friend of mine
let’s just sit in silence
until the end of time
This week has been a rough one. I don’t even have a quasi figurative way of expressing myself right now. The whole situation just sucks! I wish a miracle would happen to take away my son’s intense aggression! I read a passage out of the Bible this morning and it explained my entire sad situation. This Psalm has been described as the saddest passage in the entire book. Do you agree?
Lord, you are the God who saves me;
day and night I cry out to you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
3 I am overwhelmed with troubles
and my life draws near to death.
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like one without strength.
5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
6 You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily on me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9 my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, Lord, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do their spirits rise up and praise you?
11 Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction?
12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
13 But I cry to you for help, Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 Why, Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
15 From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
18 You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
darkness is my closest friend.