his notes throw my brain
back to winter, cold and ice
he’s so good at that
everything freezing, everything leaving
rushing past me
going to places — I want to go
his keys spark my sleepy memories
my eyes explode with
those open fields and dying trees
my heart melts with burnt clouds
and those magical fading leaves
I wonder if the Hulk ever hit his mother.
Did he ever graze her cheek
with his massive green fist so fast,
so hard, she couldn’t speak?
Throw her out of his room,
out the window, out of the house?
And I wonder if when he returned to normal,
did he recognize her scars, her hurt.
I bet he couldn’t remember–like him.
Darts his eyes from the display of pain.
Doesn’t move when she flinches away.
Doesn’t recognize the tears
because he can’t remain.
And I wonder if Stan Lee understands
what it really means to love the Hulk?
To stand in his way regardless.
The supernatural drive to help him stay calm,
despite the horror, despite the harm.
The relentless love at stake…
all the tender, godforsaken love it takes.
it’s like torn glances
encouraging words unspoken
walking away when the other
is begging to stay
it’s the turn of the head
when you are about to look my way
it’s the absence in the air
it’s not giving a care
this gloom we dish out
it’s hardly fair
this must be what the seas of Greece look like,
so blue it looks white
the water so deceiving
this must be what normal feels like,
so chill it’s like sleep
the peace I hear it leaving
this must be what perfection tastes like,
so fake it seems real
the day it leaves me grieving
there’s danger in having pity on me
cause you’ll sink like me
then you’ll be like me
don’t get too close
cause you’ll get
hurt, you’ll see
then be hurt
like me, just
let my eyes stay here and play awhile
before you go away. let me marvel at how
your light shifts shape, your amber haze so
addicting. let my eyes stay here and
play awhile, before you fly right out the
door. leaving your golden smile, your aura,
your everything – helpless on the floor
you’ll never know what secret thoughts I think,
entertain; as my eyes match my fogged up
window. catch myself against the side to
keep from falling; falling from all my damn
sobbing. secret thoughts to make this hell end.
awful thoughts, selfish thoughts. the banana
leaves try earnestly to shake me from my
disturbing trance. those distant violins
try to keep me awake. they beg me to
follow their sorrow, but they have no clue
what’s in store for my crazy tomorrows.
you’ll never know what secret thoughts I think;
dark thoughts that would make you run, make you sink.
my only hope is that Sleep will find him.
tuck him gently in her long, scarless arms
to rest his constant mind. arms pale as this
paper – pure as your snow. Sleep will sing him
the sweetest songs to take away his bad
thoughts; erase the memories of the day
gone wrong. whisper affectionately in
his ear that he his good, he is strong, and
that he is loved. as I move away from
his now shut door, I pray that Sleep comes for
him. whisks him away to a place where he
does extraordinary things; after
all, dreamland is an even playing field.
no worries for me in that hopeful place.
my only wish is that Sleep finds him, and
after that time, she then remembers me.
you felt too much once,
feel too much still.
his pain was your pain,
like his pain is my pain,
now and always will.
you cried too much once,
cry too much still.
with hearts crumbling,
we loved too much,
once and always will.