had a dream of my father last night
sitting across from me in a ferry
going which way, I have no clue
he faced the water, he wouldn’t look at me
he seemed mad at me, like he knew
I wanted to ask him
about the time he wanted to die
but I remained silent
the winds played with his thick mane
the low gray clouds behind him
ushered him back
I woke up sad
I wonder if the freaks of the shattered
doors will get lost
now that the holes are fixed
I doubt they’ll cheer and clap
as we rid them of their destruction
I like the way the bright color
adorns the walls in this space
as I wonder how long your peaceful
calm will stay in this place
I felt the friction like a cat’s tongue
hesitating to taste what’s on my finger
cooed sweet baby words in its ear
to get him to linger
drove under the dopey gray clouds
so tired from the day
and told big happy lies to myself
begging the sunshine to stay
it’s hard to accept my fate when i’m running from it.
tripping over my feet while getting slapped in the face by
the palms trying to hold me back. forcing me to stop,
to pluck the thorns from my eye, ignoring the thoughts that
i’m not ready to die. so i think back to before
and it’s easy to remember that i held you first. but
you can’t remember i was the one that loved you first.
it’s hard to accept the passing of time, counting all those
desperate moments that i call you mine. watching you run out
the doors, tossing rocks at the cars, throwing the chairs to
the floor. watching you grow faint from screaming all those gory
words. and now i grow faint as i watch the roads
turn to grass – lose my hearing, feel my voice not make
a sound. but it’s easy to remember i felt you first.
easy to remember i was the one that loved you first.
all this strawberry dust is making me
more attractive to the bees
as they whisper their youth in my ears
let their wings do as they please
wake up and feel the rush of fire rise up on my arms
it tap dances on my shoulders
his breath not far behind
his sadness broke my finger, felt the odd twinge of pain
as the nausea swept over me causing me to sit down
cause I’m so weak
but it paused his trance of rage for a minute
long enough for me to catch my breath
please Lord, let me catch my breath
let it be time to rest, let it be time to sleep
dream of those enchanting bees
so polite they quiet their buzzing
for my worn-out ears
as they lure me with their nectar
tempt me to their land of flowers and honey
making me hunger for the cold. want to
feel the icicles jump down my throat when
I inhale to steady my breath, causing
my eyes to fail me and freeze. blurred vision
has me fumbling; hard ice has me stumbling.
sliding down to my death cause my legs are
too weak. causing flashbacks to all those times
I went sledding as a kid. skin numb and
laughter frozen, not one damn care in the air.
it’s nothing, it’s everything
it’s the stuff fraying at the edges
it’s the goo left in-between
try to outwit it, run and escape it
but it’s clever, it’s faster
go blind when that mania warps shit
it’s nothing, it’s everything
the ailment that’s in your brain
leaving us stuck in-between
I want to build a house by the coal sea.
You say Mr. Take Awayer won’t find us
there by the dark sea that rocks us to sleep.
Mr. Take Awayer will wear a shabby
garb of white. You tell me he floats sideways
in the contrast of night. Always at night.
By the vast sea I pray his calls are drowned
out by the violent waves and rocky shore.
He beckons to deceive you far from me.
But you won’t hear him I promise. I swear.
I hope you’ll be happy, hope we are too.
When I build a house by the jet black sea
and every night have its torment sway us
to dreamland. Find comfort knowing it could
swallow us, forgetting this pain on earth.
Hidden afar from Mr. Take Awayer.
think it’s raining
it’s only my tears
hitting the hardwood
falling heavier than
I thought they could
they’ve taken on a
life of their own
my tear drops crying back to me
wanting to bring me home
my tear drops know that
I can’t even speak
can’t even pray
but they know
He knows my thoughts
I don’t have anything
new to say
all the while
thinking it’s raining